Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
