Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
