Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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