spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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