Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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