How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
