i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
