He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we made out on top of his cat.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
