he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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