I got chris browned last night
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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