and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
