I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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