What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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