I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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