we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
