so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
