I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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