She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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