Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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