my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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