I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
