Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
