1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
love makes seman taste better
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
