I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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