Do vagina's smell?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
