I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
