Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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