Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
