i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
