I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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