This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
