A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
