I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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