I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
