its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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