If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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