is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
