you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
