Having a random hookup so left but love u
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
