whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
