I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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