Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
