Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
