So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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