Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
