Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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