is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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