Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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