Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
