Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
