So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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