you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
