sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
