How'd it feel making her break her religion?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
