so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He shit in the fireplace
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
