Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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