apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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