I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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