so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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