what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
