I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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