Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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