Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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