Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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