Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
