He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
