tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
