woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
