then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
