i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
