i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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