its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
