it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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